sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
