His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
