I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
