I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
