I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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