we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
