Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
