U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
