so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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