I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
