I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
