So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it's like iHOP with fire
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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