I wanna bring you to show and tell
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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