dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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