then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
