Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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