You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
