I didn't shave. On purpose
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
