when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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