I wish I only lived at night.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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