Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
