Can Purell be used as lube?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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