Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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