I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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