just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize