there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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