i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
