He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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