Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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