i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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