i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
