Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
