I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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