Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
