she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
