remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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