I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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