What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love having hate sex.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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