I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
