he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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