Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
