FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
