Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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