Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
