my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
