ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
