he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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