well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love having hate sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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