is your mom at the bar?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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