Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
foreskin is a definite game changer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
