when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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