I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
