Dual....:-)
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
