Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
