Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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