Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
