i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
